For decades I was under the impression that in order to be “open to receiving” I couldn’t have any boundaries. One of the many gifts of my divorce was the invitation to explore this notion more deeply. That exploration brought the awareness that boundaries aren’t the enemy of openhearted living: they’re the essential ingredient.
Turns out that instead of creating healthy personal boundaries I’d spent a very long time carrying around barricades.
The difference between boundaries and barricades comes down to what is the foundation: Love or Fear.
The barricades I used to carry were created out of fear. Fear of not having enough, fear of not BEING enough. And since fear was the foundation, they were highly ineffective at welcoming loving and heartfelt connections.
Those barricades were flimsy, brittle and destined to shatter because fear is an illusion. They were also extremely heavy and kept me firmly focused on what I didn’t want, blinding me to the opportunities waiting for me to look around and notice them.
Boundaries on the other hand are created and built out of love, most importantly Self Love and Self Respect. Based on love, true boundaries are light, solid and flexible. When a heartfelt connection arrives they whisper “let them closer”.
Going deeper on my boundary journey allowed me to weave personal values through and within them. Values such as: integrity, honesty, joy, respect and trust. Clarity on those value based boundaries allows me to stay true to myself and also to what is most meaningful to me. It speeds decision making down to “does this align and do I have the capacity for it”?
Boundaries invite discernment which does not include judgment. It DOES include intentional alignment with core values.
Boundary badasses don’t go around apologizing for staying true to themselves, they simply honor what’s most important to them and release anything (and anyone) that isn’t a match. They also know this is not a “once and done” process. It’s an ongoing journey and it’s the process not a destination that is the purpose.
Creating, honoring and aligning boundaries with my personal values has brought tremendous freedom and joy into all areas of my life. Releasing non-aligned clients and bio-energetic vampire connections has freed up space, time and energy to focus on the people and experiences that DO align. And the shift from barricades to boundaries has made all the difference.
Some of my personal recommended reading:
- Rising Strong and Braving the Wilderness by Brené Brown
- The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck by Sarah Knight
- You are a Badass by Jen Sincero
By: Diane McDermott