Appreciation and An Expanded Answer

In considering how to express my immense gratitude for ALL of the love, care, support and kindness I’ve received, I decided that I’d also like to share an expanded answer to the question of how I’m doing.

Because “ok” is a bullshit and inaccurate reply to that question.

For anyone unfamiliar with the story, short version is: I was assaulted by someone I don’t know resulting in a broken and fractured jaw. I’m about 5 weeks into healing.

First – I am NOT often speechless but I do not have a word that even approaches the ability to illuminate my gratitude. Many times it’s actually been exhausting to be so loved. All I can say is that every single card, call, text, gift, donation, hug, well wish, kind word, thought, prayer, ALL of it has and is received with loving gratitude.

Ok, so in the practice of being real and genuine here’s a peek into how I am actually doing for anyone interested or curious. Note that this can and does shift on a daily, even hourly basis.

I am happy, hurting and healing. There are times I am wildly frustrated, annoyed, pissy, petulant, exhausted, incredulous. There are also times I’m overwhelmed with laughter, joy, exuberance, love, gratitude, compassion, awe, wonder and excitement. I experience a complicated and ever shifting blend of all of those things.

Honestly, I’m tired of hearing I look great because the truth is – I don’t think that I look great. My capacity is currently diminished and I get tired way more easily, my recovery time is about double after I’ve spent time socializing or with people. I tend to hit a wall in early afternoon when I’m simply done.

It physically hurts to laugh (though that doesn’t stop me) because when I do, multiple pieces of metal stab the inside of my mouth. And that fucking hurts.

Much of my frustration arises at having a severely limited array of options when it comes to food. Seriously, I have eaten more grits lately than ever in my entire life and I don’t even really like grits.

For those who saw me at the South Chapter Business Sorority Luncheon last Friday I’d like you to know I wavered on whether to attend for more than a week prior. I did NOT feel ready, equipped or prepared to be there and wasn’t sure I could show up.

In the end my decision to go was a choice to lean into “fuck this, I am going to show up for my life experience however, whenever, and wherever I choose”.

Adding in “normalcy” has been important to me as has trusting myself to know and honor what does and does not feel ok to me. Whether that’s what and how much I schedule or allowing myself time when I need to rest and recharge.

I’m a professional at mining my life experience for wisdom and insight and recent weeks are no exception. I do and will continue to have a LOT to say.

Self compassion is WAY uncomfortable to me but has been non-negotiable. As I write this I’m “hiding” from people after two very lengthy days of activity both professional and social. I’ve discovered I’m quite productive from bed.

Healing, much like grief is a non-linear process. It’s not predictable nor logical. Sometimes I’m doing great and other times I’m not. But really, I’m ok with all of that. Because I know the shitty pieces won’t last indefinitely. It feels like radical and renegade levels of allowing to honor myself as I navigate the next right (for me) step one at a time.

No one’s explicitly asked but…..there is no right thing to say. To me or anyone you know navigating something challenging. Every damn one of us is doing the very best we can at each and every moment. I deeply believe that and it really does help to remind myself of it.

Thank you for showing up. Thank you for being uniquely you. Thank you for witnessing, reading and being a part of my life experience. I am truly grateful beyond what words can express or capture.

By: Diane McDermott

 

 

 

 

 

Author: bizsorclt

Business Sorority is a relationship group. We are not a leads group! We believe people do business with people they know, like and trust. We provide a forum for those relationships to build. We are an innovative network of female entrepreneurs, executives and professionals. We are dedicated to working together in growing and promoting women in business by building relationships. Business Sorority achieves our success through a commitment to understanding, sharing and helping each other connect in the community. We believe each member should strive to grow their business, their leadership skills, speaking skills and share their abilities within the organization. They should also be able to grow personally. The give and take nature of our group is VERY important! You should be getting as much as you give in any group you participate in (especially this one!!) Our purpose is to provide a progressive network of talent, skills, knowledge and resources that are accessible to all Business Sorority members to help each achieve their professional and/or personal objectives. We are a community of women providing unlimited opportunities to women in business. We ARE #LOVEARMY.

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